Formal vs Informal English: When to Switch and How to Know

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1. 0:00What's the difference between, I look forward to getting together versus I can't wait to hang out.
2. 0:07Both of these phrases express excitement about seeing someone, right?
3. 0:12But of course they send very different signals. For example, the first one I would use with people, I'm just getting to know whether they're potential friends,
4. 0:22professional contacts, or even members in my book club where I live.
5. 0:27That phrase I look forward to getting together is polite and warm, but it isn't overly familiar.
6. 0:35It shows respect and creates a comfortable distance while also expressing positive feelings. But that second one,
7. 0:44I can't wait to hang out. This is what I use with my close friends and family.
8. 0:48It's much more casual, more intimate.
9. 0:51It assumes a level of closeness and informality that comes with established relationships. So why does this difference matter?
10. 1:02I want you to think about your native language for a moment.
11. 1:04You already make these kinds of shifts in your everyday conversations.
12. 1:09Similarly, in English speaking culture, using overly casual language with someone you've just met might make them feel a bit uncomfortable, like you're moving too fast.
13. 1:21It can seem like you're skipping steps in the relationship or not picking up on important social cues. On the other hand,
14. 1:31being too formal with close friends or family can send mixed signals.
15. 1:37It might make them wonder if you're upset or trying to keep them at arm's length, even if that's not your intention.
16. 1:46Choosing the right tone or the right level of formality is all about respecting relationships and making people feel at ease.
17. 1:55It's about matching your language to the relationship or context, and this doesn't just apply to making plans with people.
18. 2:03It's a critical skill across all kinds of conversations. Just recently, in fact, I was in a workshop with one of my students and she said,
19. 2:13I feel like I'm always being too careful, even with people I know well, but when I try to sound more relaxed, I worry that I'm impolite or unprofessional.
20. 2:24So I replay these conversations in my mind over and over asking myself if I did it right.
21. 2:31That kind of second guessing is exhausting and also discouraging. So if you've had the same frustrations today, we're going to eliminate that.
22. 2:41We'll explore the power of tone and how to confidently navigate from formal to informal and any situation. By the end,
23. 2:50you'll have practical strategies for choosing the right words in every context, and I'll even give you a kind of quick tool, a sort of.
24. 2:59Mental checklist that you can use in real conversations.
25. 3:04So let's start with this.
26. 3:06How can you know when to switch from formal to informal?
27. 3:11To answer that question, we first need to understand a key concept, what it means to read the room.
28. 3:19Reading the room means paying attention to the energy, the body language, the tone of conversation,
29. 3:28and then adjusting how you speak to match it. In English, we often use this phrase to read the room to describe someone who
30. 3:38knows how to respond in a way that fits the moment.
31. 3:42Not too formal, not too relaxed, but just right for the situation.
32. 3:47And the truth is you already do this. As I said, if you think about your first language, you adjust how you speak depending on who you're talking
33. 3:56with or what you're talking about and where you are. For example, you probably sound different when you're talking to your manager rather than when you're chatting with a good friend over coffee.
34. 4:08That shift might happen automatically. You just feel it.
35. 4:11You read the situation.
36. 4:14Reading the room in English works exactly the same way, and this isn't about changing who you are or trying to get grammar just right.
37. 4:22Instead, it's about tuning in to a few key signals.
38. 4:27These are things like who's in the room, what's the purpose of the conversation?
39. 4:33How are others speaking? What is their tone, their pace, and their word choice?
40. 4:38How are others using body language and facial expressions?
41. 4:42The better you are at noticing those details, the easier it becomes to shift your tone with confidence.
42. 4:49So in the next part of this lesson, we're going to look at exactly how to recognize the difference between formal and informal English. And later,
43. 4:59I'll give you that simple tool I mentioned that you can use to decide what language is right for each moment. But for now, I want to start with this key idea.
44. 5:09You don't need a perfect formula or black and white rule for every situation. You just need to know what to watch for and how to respond.
45. 5:21So now that you know what to look for when you're reading the room, let's talk about the key differences between formal and informal English.
46. 5:30As you might guess, formal English is structured, careful and polite. This is the language that you hear in job interviews,
47. 5:38business meetings, academic settings, or official communication.
48. 5:43It often sounds more professional and more intentional.
49. 5:47Informal English, on the other hand, is relaxed and conversational.
50. 5:51It's how we talk with friends, close colleagues or family.
51. 5:55The language is still correct, but it's shorter, warmer and more natural for everyday situations. And to highlight this, I wanna give you a few comparisons. First,
52. 6:06let's look at language for apologizing. A more formal statement would be, I apologize, whereas a more informal statement is simply, I'm sorry,
53. 6:16or let's say you're describing a report in a business meeting.
54. 6:20If the meeting is formal, you might say the report demonstrates profit growth.
55. 6:25If it's a more relaxed conversation among colleagues, you know, well, you might say the report shows profit growth, and here's one more how you might express thanks.
56. 6:36If it's a formal situation, you might say to someone, I'd like to express my gratitude for this opportunity.
57. 6:42That would be a perfect one in a job interview, for example. However, if it's an informal conversation or situation, you might say, thanks so much for the opportunity. In each case,
58. 6:53the meaning of the phrases is the same, but that tone is different. Again, the formal language sounds more polished.
59. 7:02The informal language is softer and simpler, but it's still correct.
60. 7:07And that's an important point that I want to emphasize.
61. 7:11One of the biggest misconceptions I hear from my students is the idea that informal language is lazy or incorrect.
62. 7:20It's not informal. English still follows grammar rules.
63. 7:24It's just more relaxed, more friendly in tone. So yes, saying something like I'm gonna head out is grammatically correct,
64. 7:33so is using can't instead of cannot or don't instead of do not.
65. 7:38You might not see these forms in English grammar books for example, but native speakers use them all the time. They're real English, they're useful, and most importantly,
66. 7:49necessary when we want to get the tone right.
67. 7:53That brings me to the next key question, when should you use each one and how can you tell to get that right?
68. 8:01Let's explore some general guidelines no matter what the situation might be.
69. 8:05Here's a general rule that can help you decide whether to use formal or informal language. If you're talking to a boss, a client, or anyone you don't know,
70. 8:16well formal language is usually the safest choice.
71. 8:20And then if you're in a casual setting or talking with a friendly coworker, informal language is often more natural.
72. 8:28But here's where it gets interesting.
73. 8:31It's not just about who you are talking to, it's about why you're talking to them and where the conversation is happening.
74. 8:40You might speak formally with your manager during a performance review, but then speak informally with the same manager at a team lunch.
75. 8:48You might choose to use formal language in an email to a colleague in another department, but then speak to them in a more casual way in a hallway conversation.
76. 8:59The truth is, context matters more than titles.
77. 9:04So before you speak, if you're feeling uncertain, here's a quick checklist that you can use to help you decide which tone makes sense for that moment. First, ask yourself,
78. 9:16who am I talking to? What's the purpose of this conversation?
79. 9:21Where is it happening? Is it a formal business meeting, a coffee chat, a networking event?
80. 9:27And how formal or informal are the people around me?
81. 9:32That last one is key.
82. 9:35I recommend that you listen carefully to the tone others are using.
83. 9:39Are they speaking with contractions and casual phrases, or are they using more careful language and complete sentences?
84. 9:48This kind of listening helps you make small smart adjustments so that your English matches the tone of the moment.
85. 9:57And if you're thinking, okay, this all makes sense, but it's still hard to do in real conversations, you're not the only one who feels that way. In fact,
86. 10:06it's exactly why I have the confident women community.
87. 10:10It's a space where you can try things out, where you can experiment with your tone, speak freely, and get feedback from people who understand what you're working on.
88. 10:20Because learning how to switch between formal and informal English in the moment doesn't just happen by studying.
89. 10:29It happens through real practice. In the Confident Women community, we use lessons just like this one, but we bring them to life in real conversation so that you can build
90. 10:40up that confidence to speak clearly and in a way that feels like you.
91. 10:45So if that's something that you've been looking for, I'll leave a link with all the details below this video. But for now, let's keep going. Okay, so we've just talked about some general rules you can follow when you're trying
92. 10:57to decide whether to use formal or informal language.
93. 11:00But how do you know what tone to use when it's not obvious and it doesn't fit one of those general rules?
94. 11:09One of the best ways is to watch and listen for signals.
95. 11:15Signals that show you whether the conversation is formal or informal.
96. 11:19So let's start with some signs that a conversation is formal.
97. 11:24First, the pace is slower.
98. 11:27People take their time when they speak because they're working to choose their words carefully. You'll also hear clearer enunciation.
99. 11:37This means that words tend to be pronounced more clearly and carefully.
100. 11:41You'll also notice modal verbs like could, would, might, should.
101. 11:46People also often use full names or titles like Dr. Smith or Ms. Johnson.
102. 11:53The tone of the conversation is more serious and there are fewer interruptions.
103. 11:58People wait for their turn to speak.
104. 12:02And now let's compare all of that to an informal situation where the pace is faster, people speak more freely.
105. 12:09You're going to hear contractions and relaxed forms like gunna and wana.
106. 12:14You're going to hear first names or even nicknames. On top of that, there's more laughter, personal comments, or even jokes.
107. 12:23People are also more likely to interrupt each other in a friendly way, and body language is more open or relaxed.
108. 12:33These tone signals are a great starting point for identifying informal and formal situations and many North American contexts.
109. 12:43They provide a general framework for understanding how people often communicate in different situations. However,
110. 12:52it's important to remember that what counts as professional or formal can vary depending on where you are, even if you're in the same country.
111. 13:03For example, when I lived in Washington DC I noticed that professional communication tended to be much more formal or buttoned up. You could say,
112. 13:14compared to what I experience here in California, and this is why one of the most valuable skills that you can develop is the
113. 13:21ability to observe and adapt your tone to the signals around you. I want you to pay attention to how your colleagues, clients,
114. 13:31and friends communicate in different situations.
115. 13:35Notice the specific words, phrases, and even nonverbal cues they use to convey either formality or informality.
116. 13:44So if you're in a new environment or simply unsure about the appropriate tone, it's always best to take a step back and observe first,
117. 13:55then adjust your language to match the overall feeling or vibe in the room.
118. 14:01This isn't about mimicking others or losing your own voice, but rather finding that little sweet spot where you can communicate effectively
119. 14:11and build rapport, build great connections with people around you.
120. 14:15The examples I'm gonna share with you here show both versions, both formal and informal so you can hear the difference and start to really notice these differences for yourself. So first,
121. 14:27let's talk about introducing yourself In a formal context, you would likely use, hello, my name is Maria Rodriguez and I'm the new marketing coordinator.
122. 14:38An informal example of that is, hi, I'm Maria. I just joined the marketing team.
123. 14:43In the formal version, you hear the full name and job title.
124. 14:48The tone is more structured and the phrase is very complete In the informal version, it's first name only, and the phrasing is more relaxed.
125. 14:58We're using simpler language. For example, just joined sounds casual and friendly.
126. 15:04And now let's take a look at how you might ask for help. Again, first, in a formal situation, you might say, could you assist me when you have a moment versus informal?
127. 15:15Can you help me out when you get a chance?
128. 15:18Notice the key difference between the verb choices.
129. 15:20The first one uses a more formal verb assist, and in the second one, we've selected a phrasal verb to help out. Next, let's look at making a request. Again, formal,
130. 15:32would it be possible to reschedule? And then informal, can we move our meeting? In these examples, I want you to notice that the formal tone uses more indirect,
131. 15:44polite phrasing with the modal would, would it be possible?
132. 15:49And the informal tone is more direct, using simpler, everyday verbs like move. Here's another expressing thanks.
133. 15:58A formal example would be, I appreciate your time and consideration informal.
134. 16:05Thanks so much. Again, the formal version adds more structure and distance with I appreciate your time, while the informal version is quicker and warmer,
135. 16:16using the simplified, thanks so much, which feels still very friendly and personal.
136. 16:22Next is how you might decline something, which is never an easy thing to do.
137. 16:28In a formal circumstance, you might say, regretfully, I won't be able to attend. And informal, sorry, I can't make it.
138. 16:36Next, making a suggestion formal, I would recommend we do more research informal.
139. 16:43Maybe we should look into that more. Asking for clarification, a formal phrase would be, could you please elaborate? And informal,
140. 16:52what do you mean by that? And here's one more apologizing.
141. 16:56A formal apology sounds like, I sincerely apologize, I've fixed the issue and informal, sorry about that, it's fixed. Now, in each case,
142. 17:08both versions are absolutely correct. However, one feels more appropriate depending on where you are, what the conversation is about and who is involved.
143. 17:19Now that we have more clarity on this, I want to introduce a third element.
144. 17:24What about those situations that are not clearly formal or clearly informal?
145. 17:31And the truth is most workplace conversations is where communication is somewhere in the middle, and that's what we call semi-formal tone.
146. 17:44This is where this middle ground comes in.
147. 17:47To understand this more middle ground, we have to know what exactly does semi-formal actually sound like and how can you recognize it in real conversations? The truth is,
148. 17:59it's a kind of gray area. It's professional, but not overly stiff or formal. And it's friendly,
149. 18:08but not overly casual or too familiar. To illustrate this, I wanna give you a quick example.
150. 18:14Let's imagine a coworker helps you out while you're caring for a family member and you want to thank her as a result. A too formal response would be,
151. 18:25I would like to express my sincere gratitude.
152. 18:28This version uses a very formal structure with I would like to express, and the vocabulary feels distant or overly serious.
153. 18:39It's polite, but in most modern workplaces, it's going to sound too stiff for a simple thank you.
154. 18:49An informal example of that could be, thanks for your help.
155. 18:53It's friendly and correct, but it's also very vague.
156. 18:57It doesn't give much context for what you're thinking her for.
157. 19:02And as a result, it doesn't sound meaningful.
158. 19:05It's not appropriate for someone at work covering for you while you were away.
159. 19:10So the semi-formal version is something in between something like, thank you so much more informal.
160. 19:18I really appreciate you taking on my work while I was away.
161. 19:22We're using phrasal verbs like to take on here. So again, the language is still casual, but we're also using fuller sentences and providing more detail than a
162. 19:32simple thanks a lot. As a result, this version is polite and professional, but also personal.
163. 19:40We're keeping the language simple with words like, thank you so much, I really appreciate. And as we highlight it, it clearly names the situation. As a result, it feels thoughtful,
164. 19:52but not too formal.
165. 19:54Earlier I shared with you some guidelines for what you might expect or hear in a formal conversation and what you can expect to hear in an informal.
166. 20:04So I wanna give you something similar, some common features of semi-formal English.
167. 20:10In these conversations, you're going to hear please and thank you, but not overly elaborate phrases and not an emphasis on modal verbs.
168. 20:21There may be contractions and phrasal verbs and even connected speech, but not slang. The vocabulary is professional,
169. 20:29but the tone feels more natural or relaxed. It's warm, but with some clear boundaries.
170. 20:37It's respectful but not robotic the way formal language can sometimes sound.
171. 20:42And if you're working or living in an environment with English speakers from North America, the tone you're going to use most often in professional conversations,
172. 20:53especially when you want to sound approachable, competent, and clear, is this semi-formal language. So with that in mind, let's do a quick check-in.
173. 21:02I'm going to share some phrases with you, and I want you to identify which one is semi-formal.
174. 21:10First, would it be possible for you to review this document at your earliest convenience? Two, could you please review this document when you have a chance?
175. 21:20And three, can you check out this document when you're free?
176. 21:23What do you think the best choice for semi-formal is? B, it's polite, it uses please, and the phrasing is professional, but not overly formal.
177. 21:35This kind of tone gives you flexibility.
178. 21:38It works across teams with clients, and even in conversations with leadership when the situation allows.
179. 21:47And now let's put all of these principles, these guidelines into action with some real world scenarios.
180. 21:54I want to talk through two real world situations where tone matters and when you may need to shift tone very quickly.
181. 22:04To do that, there's one more skill that makes a big difference, and that is recognizing when the tone of a conversation changes.
182. 22:14Sometimes a conversation might start out formal and then becomes more casual. And of course, other times it shifts the other way.
183. 22:24So here's how to notice if a conversation is becoming more informal, you're going to probably hear more laughter or personal stories,
184. 22:33someone might say so anyway or shift into a lighter topic.
185. 22:39People may also start using not just contractions like we and thou, but they're also going to start using more connected speech and
186. 22:49relax their overall posture. Now, if it moves the other way, if the tone becomes more formal, then the energy in the room kind of tightens up.
187. 22:59The topic may shift to feedback or conflict or decisions.
188. 23:04More challenging topics of conversation.
189. 23:07You might notice people sit up straighter, they slow down, they use more careful wording and fewer contractions or connected speech.
190. 23:17The easiest way to track these changes is to pay attention to the most senior person in the room. If they stay formal,
191. 23:26you stay formal. If they relax, you can adjust with them.
192. 23:31So as I said, I wanna walk through two real world situations where we can see this in action. In scenario number one,
193. 23:40I want you to imagine a weekly team meeting that is usually super casual.
194. 23:45You know everybody, you see each other every week. People laugh, they speak freely, they start with small talk and use first names.
195. 23:53But this time this week, your company's vice president unexpectedly joins the meeting in the middle of the meeting and you immediately notice a change.
196. 24:04Your team leader adjusts their tone in a heartbeat.
197. 24:08People sit up straighter. If they're on zoom, they might fix their camera, and there are fewer interruptions. The energy shifts,
198. 24:16and this is a clear signal that the tone is going to immediately become more formal and it's your cue to match it.
199. 24:24So in that moment, if it's your turn to speak and maybe introduce yourself, your language is going to be formal. Again,
200. 24:32we'll use the example we had earlier. Hello, my name is Maria Rodriguez.
201. 24:37I'm a marketing coordinator.
202. 24:40I focus on social media and content strategy.
203. 24:43It's a pleasure to meet you or if your company culture is never really that formal, if formal for your company means semi-formal,
204. 24:54here's what that would sound like. Hi, I'm Maria.
205. 24:57I've been with the team for about six months working on social media and content strategy. It's great to meet you.
206. 25:05Both of these versions are perfectly correct.
207. 25:08The truth is your choice depends on what the moment calls for.
208. 25:13If the VP is speaking formally, stay formal.
209. 25:18If they use a more relaxed tone, you can shift with them to that semi-formal.
210. 25:22This is where reading the room really matters, especially when the tone shifts quickly.
211. 25:30And now let's take a look at our second scenario.
212. 25:32We're gonna change things up a bit here, and I want you to imagine you are at a professional event, like an international conference,
213. 25:41and you're having a casual conversation with a peer at the refreshments table. So this isn't a formal meeting, but you also don't know this individual particularly well in the conversation.
214. 25:53You discover that this person also works in social media specifically with LinkedIn, and you would love to get their advice in requesting advice.
215. 26:04A too formal request would sound like, would it be possible for you to provide guidance at your convenience?
216. 26:11And to informal would be, Hey, could you help me figure out some LinkedIn stuff real quick?
217. 26:18A semi-formal version that is just right is, oh, that's perfect.
218. 26:23I've been trying to figure out LinkedIn campaigns.
219. 26:26Would you mind sharing what's worked for you?
220. 26:28This semi-formal version keeps the tone conversational and respectful.
221. 26:34You're showing interest and appreciation without sounding overly serious or too relaxed. So now I want to do another practice activity.
222. 26:44Let's check to make sure we're getting this just right.
223. 26:47I'm going to share a few different situations with you, and I want you to decide which tone fits.
224. 26:55So you'll need to ask yourself whether your response should be formal, informal, or semi-formal.
225. 27:02I'm going to share each situation first.
226. 27:05I'll give you some thinking time and then I'll share the best answers.
227. 27:10So situation number one, you are in line at a coffee shop and you accidentally bump into someone's coffee while in line.
228. 27:20In that moment when you need to respond to what just happened, would you use formal, semi-formal or informal?
229. 27:28And before we look at the answer, let's go to situation number two.
230. 27:32You're asking your manager for a deadline extension. Again, formal, semi-formal or informal. And finally, situation number three,
231. 27:42you're congratulating a close colleague on a great presentation.
232. 27:47Take a moment to think about each one of those situations.
233. 27:50And now let's take a look at the best possible answer for each one.
234. 27:54For the first situation, I would recommend a semi-formal response.
235. 28:00The truth is you're in a coffee shop, which immediately makes this a more casual environment.
236. 28:04You don't need to be overly formal, but most likely if you've bumped into someone in line, it's a stranger, not someone that you know. So you don't want to be too informal as well.
237. 28:17A great middle ground is something like, oh, I'm so sorry.
238. 28:20I apologize for bumping into you. That first one, oh, I'm so sorry, keeps a very casual conversational tone. And then we repeat with, I apologize for bumping into you.
239. 28:31We're giving a specific reason for the apology.
240. 28:34So it kind of meets that semi-formal space.
241. 28:38And then situation number two, when you're asking for a deadline extension, the truth is how you make that request depends.
242. 28:46It could be formal or semi-formal.
243. 28:49This is where your ability to understand tone and to read signals becomes really important.
244. 28:56This is where you might want to revisit that mental checklist and ask yourself, who am I talking to? What's the purpose of the conversation?
245. 29:05How formal is this situation? In this case, you're speaking to your manager about a delay, which can be rather sensitive.
246. 29:14And if this is your first time asking or the project is high stakes, a more formal tone is safer. For example,
247. 29:23I wanted to let you know I've run into a delay on the report.
248. 29:27Would it be possible to extend the deadline by one day? However, if you have a more relaxed relationship with your manager and this kind of
249. 29:36adjustment is common, a semi-formal tone might be enough. For example, would it be okay to move the deadline by one day? I've hit a small delay.
250. 29:46As always, the key is to match the tone to the situation, not only the person. And then finally, the third situation was congratulating a colleague on a great presentation.
251. 29:58And here semi-formal is perfect, even though this person is a close colleague, someone you know well, the context is still professional.
252. 30:07So a warm clear response works best here, for example, that was such a great presentation. You really made it easy to follow.
253. 30:17Now, if you got one of those situations right, or if you understood why tone matters, you're already making progress in this area, and that's the real goal.
254. 30:29This isn't about having perfect grammar or knowing every vocabulary word.
255. 30:34It's about choosing the right tone so your message lands so it's received the way that you want it to be.
256. 30:41And now that you've learned these strategies for navigating formal and informal English and everything in between, I want to challenge you to put them into practice over this next week.
257. 30:53Pay attention to the tone signals in your daily conversations and try adjusting your language to match the context.
258. 31:03When you do that, I would love for you to come back here and share your experiences, your insights, and also your questions with me in the comments below.
259. 31:12I'd also love to hear how it goes for you as you start to use what you've learned. With that, thank you so much for joining me today.
260. 31:20If you found this lesson helpful, don't forget to subscribe or follow wherever you're watching from or listening from today. Thanks again and I look forward to next time.