How to Be More Interesting in English Conversations

معنی واژه با لمس

1. 0:00How many times have you left an English conversation and thought,"That was so embarrassing.
2. 0:09Why am I so awkward?" Like when someone in the office asks you,"What did you do on the weekend?" A perfectly normal small talk question, and you say I just stayed home.
3. 0:25And they smiled, and you smiled, and that was the end of it.
4. 0:29And later in the day, you replay that same conversation in your head, and you think, "Oh, why didn't I say more? Why am I so boring?" But being interesting to talk to isn't about always having a fascinating story to tell.
5. 0:46It's about being curious, and just as importantly, it's about showing the other person that you're curious.
6. 1:07Hey, ladies.
7. 1:08Welcome back, and a big, warm welcome to any of you who are joining for the very first time.
8. 1:15This is The Confident English podcast.
9. 1:18My name is Emma.
10. 1:20I'm the founder of Hey Lady!, an online community that brings women together from all around the world to practise speaking English.
11. 1:31Every week, we break down the barriers that keep you from speaking with confidence, whether that's at work, while you're traveling, or in everyday life.
12. 1:43If you've been learning English for a long time, but you're still struggling to speak up, you are in exactly the right place.
13. 1:52All right, let's get into the episode.
14. 2:03So here's a question that I received this week from Camilla.
15. 2:08She says, Hi, Emma.
16. 2:10Thank you for making the podcast.
17. 2:12My challenge is: when I speak English with a new person, I don't know how to make the connection.
18. 2:19My challenge is: I would like to know my colleague, but I don't think they want to know me.
19. 2:25My challenge is: I try to make small talk, but I'm not very interesting, maybe boring.
20. 2:31So my question is: how can I be interesting in English?
21. 2:36So my question is: Camilla, I love this question so much, and thank you for asking it.
22. 2:41So my question is: Anyone who speaks a second language knows this feeling, when you can't find the right words or the tone or the expressions that you would use in your native language to share your ideas.
23. 2:56So my question is: But I want to share a take on this that might help you to be more interesting in English conversations without having to have something interesting to say.
24. 3:08So my question is: Instead of focusing so much on yourself, shift the focus onto them.
25. 3:15So my question is: Be curious.
26. 3:17So my question is: Often, the people we enjoy talking to the most aren't the ones with the best stories.
27. 3:24So my question is: They're the ones who make us feel interesting.
28. 3:28So my question is: They listen closely, they react, they ask questions, and we can tell from their face and their body language that they genuinely want to hear more.
29. 3:40So my question is: So that is what I mean when I say be curious.
30. 3:46So my question is: Curiosity isn't only something that you feel, it's something that you show.
31. 3:52So my question is: Let's say your colleague tells you that they went away for the weekend.
32. 3:57So my question is: When you're curious, you might look interested and say, "Oh, really?
33. 4:03So my question is: Where did you stay?" And then while she answers, you keep listening.
34. 4:09So my question is: You don't look around the room.
35. 4:11So my question is: You don't check your phone.
36. 4:13So my question is: You definitely don't start planning your next sentence.
37. 4:17So my question is: You give her your full attention.
38. 4:20So my question is: Maybe she says, " We stayed near Margaret River." So you could follow up with, "What did you get up to while you were there?" That question tells her exactly what she needs to hear.
39. 4:33So my question is: " I heard you.
40. 4:35So my question is: I'm interested.
41. 4:37So my question is: Keep going." You don't need a clever new topic.
42. 4:40So my question is: You don't need to be witty.
43. 4:43So my question is: You just need to notice something that she said and then follow it.
44. 4:55So my question is: Being curious is about more than just asking questions.
45. 4:59So my question is: Your face, your voice, and your body, they are all part of the conversation too.
46. 5:06So my question is: A smile can show warmth.
47. 5:10So my question is: A surprised expression can show that something caught your attention.
48. 5:15So my question is: A little nod can encourage someone to continue.
49. 5:19So my question is: Even a small reaction like, " Really?" or, " Wow." " That sounds nice." It shows that you're involved, that you're tuned in, and these signals matter because they help the other person to feel valued and noticed and understood.
50. 5:38So my question is: Without interrupting them, you're saying, " I'm here.
51. 5:41So my question is: I'm listening.
52. 5:42So my question is: What you're saying matters, and I want to know more." This piece of advice is especially helpful when you're speaking English because you don't always need a long or a perfect response to show curiosity.
53. 5:58So my question is: Sometimes your reaction is enough just to keep the other person talking while you process what they've said.
54. 6:06So my question is: But your response needs to feel genuine, and curiosity is not always excitement and smiling and nodding.
55. 6:15So my question is: Curiosity can also sound like Oh, that must have been difficult.
56. 6:20So my question is: What happened after that?
57. 6:22So my question is: So how did that make you feel?" This is about genuine curiosity.
58. 6:27So my question is: It's not about performing interest.
59. 6:30So my question is: It is letting the other person see the interest that you already feel.
60. 6:41So my question is: Being curious is also about asking questions that give the other person room to answer with detail.
61. 6:50So my question is: So if you compare, " Did you have a good weekend?" with, " What did you get up to on the weekend?" The first question can be answered with yes or no, but the second one gives you more to listen to, more to respond to, more to react to.
62. 7:08So my question is: Instead of asking, " Do you like your job?" You could ask, " What do you enjoy most about your work?" Instead of, "Was your holiday good?" You can try, " What was the best part of your holiday?" These types of questions, open questions, are really helpful when a conversation is starting to slow down because they open it back up again, and they give you time to listen.
63. 7:37So my question is: They give you time to settle into the conversation and notice things, notice some things that you would like to follow up on.
64. 7:45So my question is: So Camilla, this whole process is not actually about you being interesting.
65. 7:53So my question is: It's about you being interested and making the other person feel interesting Because that is ultimately what makes you interesting to talk to.
66. 8:05So my question is: Something to keep in mind is that curiosity has a particular rhythm.
67. 8:11So my question is: You ask, you listen, you acknowledge what they said, and then you decide if you want to ask another question or you wanna share something of your own, something connected to what they said.
68. 8:26So my question is: You're not trying to control the situation here, you're helping it to develop.
69. 8:32So my question is: You're helping it to open up.
70. 8:39So my question is: Just to be clear, this is not about making the other person do all the talking, although that is a consequence here.
71. 8:49So my question is: A good conversation still needs you to contribute, right?
72. 8:53So my question is: You might share a reaction, or an opinion, or maybe a little personal anecdote.
73. 9:00So my question is: If someone says, "I'm going camping this weekend," you could say, " Oh, I've never been camping before.
74. 9:08So my question is: What do you love about it?" Or, "That sounds fun. I love being outdoors, but I'm not sure I'd sleep well in a tent." Now, you're still showing curiosity, but you're also giving the other person something to respond to about you.
75. 9:25So my question is: You're letting them know what to do next in the conversation, and that is what creates connection.
76. 9:33So my question is: That is what creates a positive experience, an interesting conversation You don't need to dominate the whole thing or tell a big, amazing story.
77. 9:43So my question is: You're simply showing them, " I'm listening and I'm here with you." So Camilla, when you are worried about being boring, be curious.
78. 9:54So my question is: When you notice that you're too focused on yourself, flip that around and focus on them.
79. 10:02So my question is: Focus on being curious.
80. 10:05So my question is: When people feel heard and acknowledged, they enjoy talking to you, and that's what makes your conversation interesting.
81. 10:22So my question is: Curiosity is something that we teach and practise inside the Hey Lady! Speaking community.
82. 10:28So my question is: Our members come from so many different countries and cultures and career backgrounds, so every conversation is an opportunity to practise this, to discover something new or different about someone's life or culture or experiences.
83. 10:47So my question is: And in these conversations together, you can practise this skill of being curious.
84. 10:54So my question is: You can practise listening carefully to what someone says and following up on it.
85. 10:59So my question is: And because the conversations inside Hey Lady! are friendly and low pressure, then you can start paying attention to how you feel as someone is listening to you.
86. 11:11So my question is: Maybe she smiles at you when you begin speaking.
87. 11:15So my question is: Maybe she leans in slightly, or she nods, or she reacts to something that you say.
88. 11:21So my question is: Notice how all of those small little signals make you feel, and they encourage you to keep going because you can see that she's interested.
89. 11:31So my question is: With practice, showing curiosity becomes a natural part of how you connect with people, and it makes you interesting and enjoyable to talk to.
90. 11:42So my question is: And then when you're speaking to a colleague or you're meeting someone at an event or you're chatting with your neighbor, you're not searching desperately for something interesting and profound to say.
91. 11:56So my question is: You're simply paying attention to the person who's right there in front of you.
92. 12:00So my question is: Hey Lady! has a free seven-day trial for all new members, so you are welcome to come inside.
93. 12:08So my question is: Come inside, see what we do, and practise being curious with us.
94. 12:13So my question is: Now, I would love to hear from you.
95. 12:17So my question is: How are you going to practise curiosity this week?
96. 12:21So my question is: If you're watching on YouTube, then head down to the comments.
97. 12:24So my question is: Leave me a little note down there and tell me how are you going to practise curiosity this week.
98. 12:32So my question is: Thanks for tuning in, and I will see you for next week's episode right here on the Confident English Podcast.