Where did your personality go when you started speaking English?

معنی واژه با لمس

1. 0:00Imagine this.
2. 0:01You're at a dinner, a party, maybe it's a work event, and everyone around you seems to be having a great time.
3. 0:11People are laughing.
4. 0:13Someone's telling a story.
5. 0:15Two people who just met 20 minutes ago are already giving each other a hug.
6. 0:22And you wonder, How do they make it look so effortless?
7. 0:27Because your English conversation doesn't feel like that.
8. 0:32You're being polite.
9. 0:33You're answering the questions.
10. 0:36Your English is okay, but the other person isn't laughing.
11. 0:40They're certainly not leaning in to give you a hug or organising to have a coffee next week.
12. 0:46Maybe they're glancing around the room, checking the time, and you can feel it.
13. 0:53Somehow the conversation never really connected, and you just wanna scream out, " This isn't really me.
14. 1:02I'm funny.
15. 1:04I've got great stories.
16. 1:05People usually love talking to me." Hey, ladies.
17. 1:20Welcome back.
18. 1:22My name is Emma.
19. 1:23I'm the founder of Hey Lady!, an online community that brings women together from all around the world to practise speaking English.
20. 1:33Every week, we break down the barriers that keep you from speaking with confidence, whether that's at work, while you're travelling, or in everyday life.
21. 1:46If you've been learning English for a while now but you still don't feel like yourself when you speak in English, then stay with me because that is exactly what we're gonna be talking about today All right, let's get into it.
22. 2:15This episode today was inspired by a comment that Gina left for me recently during a live webinar that I was running.
23. 2:25She said, I feel like a different person when I speak English.
24. 2:30I can't really tell if I sound interesting or boring.
25. 2:35I just speak and I hope that people understand who I am.
26. 2:40I know that I'm not boring.
27. 2:43But I can't tell if they feel the same.
28. 2:46Do you know what I mean?
29. 2:48I know exactly what she means because Gina isn't saying, "I can't communicate in English." She can, and she knows she can.
30. 2:58But the uncomfortable part is that she doesn't know what the other person is seeing.
31. 3:06Are they meeting the version of her that she wants them to meet?
32. 3:11The, the warm one, the curious one?
33. 3:15Or are they only seeing someone who is cautious and quiet and reserved because that version is so focused on saying the right thing, using the right words, that the real Gina gets lost somewhere in there?
34. 3:32And I think that that is the real question for today's episode.
35. 3:37How can you get your personality to come through when you speak in English?
36. 3:42Because it's not only the words that you use, it's also what happens between you and the person that you're talking to.
37. 3:59Think about how you are with different people in your native language.
38. 4:05You probably don't speak to your closest friend in exactly the same way as you speak to your manager at work, right?
39. 4:13You might be very talkative with your sister and much quieter with someone that you've never met, right?
40. 4:22And, and that's pretty normal.
41. 4:25We all change a little depending on the situation and the people around us.
42. 4:31Now, when you're speaking in your second language, well that obviously adds another layer onto that.
43. 4:39And I know this exact feeling from learning Spanish, where I've spent hours and hours and hours writing down sentences and practising them out loud and thinking, Okay, so if someone asks me this, then I'm gonna say that.
44. 4:57But then 10 seconds into a real actual conversation with someone and they're laughing, their eyes are glistening, they have this joyful look on their face.
45. 5:10I know they've made a joke, but I'm thinking, " Oh God, I've completely missed it.
46. 5:16I-- What are they laughing at?
47. 5:19How do I catch up?" And this matters because when you speak in your first language, in your native language, you usually don't have to think so carefully about every response, right?
48. 5:33When someone tells you something funny, you laugh and you add your own comment.
49. 5:40If something reminds you of a story, you tell the story.
50. 5:46When you have an opinion, you share it.
51. 5:49If you are interested in what they're saying, you ask another question.
52. 5:55You're not thinking, "Oh, How can I show my personality right now?" It's effortless in your native language.
53. 6:05You're just responding as yourself.
54. 6:09But in English, this might not be so easy for you right now, because you're choosing your words more carefully.
55. 6:17You're checking your grammar.
56. 6:19You're making sure that you're being understood.
57. 6:23And you might be thinking, " Ugh, I just don't want this to come out wrong." And of course you're doing that.
58. 6:29You want the other person to understand you, and you don't wanna feel embarrassed.
59. 6:35You don't wanna feel lost.
60. 6:37But when you are trying so hard to make every sentence safe and correct, then you can start leaving out the parts that are a little bit
61. 6:48more personal: the joke, the strong opinion, that funny detail in that story, or the strange random thought that just popped into your head.
62. 6:59more personal: And often it's those things that show someone who you really are, that reveal your personality.
63. 7:08more personal: When you're focused on perfection, you can miss the opportunity for connection.
64. 7:16more personal: It's not so much that your personality disappears in English, it's just that less of it is making it into the conversation And that is what we need to change.
65. 7:34more personal: So how does someone actually get to know you?
66. 7:39more personal: When do they see your personality?
67. 7:42more personal: This is really important because people don't get to know your personality because you explain it to them.
68. 7:50more personal: You don't say, " Hello, I'm warm, funny, I'm slightly stubborn." They discover those things by talking to you.
69. 8:02more personal: You say something funny and she laughs.
70. 8:05more personal: Maybe she adds something to the joke and you laugh as well.
71. 8:09more personal: Or you ask a question and she says, " Uh, I've never thought about that before." Maybe you disagree about something.
72. 8:18more personal: You explain why.
73. 8:19more personal: She tells you why she sees it differently.
74. 8:22more personal: That is how people get to know each other, right?
75. 8:26more personal: And your personality becomes visible through that conversation and through your actions.
76. 8:33more personal: And importantly, that takes time.
77. 8:37more personal: One conversation might only show someone a small little part of you.
78. 8:43more personal: But the more that you talk, the more chances that you have to show someone your humor, your warmth, your curiosity, and your opinions, and all of the other parts of who you are, the more they get to know about you.
79. 9:05more personal: So if you have ever felt like Gina, that you can communicate in English, but you don't know how much of you is actually coming through in the conversation.
80. 9:17more personal: How do you change that?
81. 9:19more personal: Well, I'll tell you one thing, a stressful meeting at work, an important interview, a room full of strangers where you desperately want to make a good impression, all of those situations are challenging for anyone.
82. 9:36more personal: So you need to start somewhere easier, somewhere a little more relaxed.
83. 9:42more personal: A simple conversation, a familiar topic, and maybe someone that you already feel comfortable talking to, someone who has time to listen.
84. 9:55more personal: And the goal here is to give yourself a little bit more freedom to experiment.
85. 10:01more personal: Now, I wanna demonstrate this with a really simple example.
86. 10:06more personal: The question that we get all of the time, " How are you?" Now, your automatic standard response, the one that you learned, is, " Good, thanks. And you?" Now, you can say that without thinking at all, without even thinking about the opportunity that you just missed to practise bringing a little more of you into the conversation.
87. 10:32more personal: Like, if you're quite sarcastic, you could answer, " Oh, great, thanks, but I could do with a holiday." Or if you're a busy person, "Good, but, ugh, I'm so flat out at the moment." If you're a curious person " I'm fine, but how are you?
88. 10:50more personal: I heard you had an exciting weekend." Now, you've given the other person a little more to respond to. Maybe she laughs. Maybe she says, " What's keeping you so busy these days?" Maybe she tells you what she did on the weekend.
89. 11:09more personal: You're not trying to perform your personality or suddenly become the funniest, most interesting person in the room.
90. 11:18more personal: What you're doing is you're allowing a little bit more of you to come into the conversation, to come out and play, and that helps you to connect with someone.
91. 11:30more personal: You gain more experience being yourself in English in these tiny little moments.
92. 11:37more personal: And so then, when you see that person again for your second conversation, it's completely different because you already know something about each other, right?
93. 11:48more personal: You're not starting from zero.
94. 11:51more personal: You have something, a shared memory, a shared experience that you can come back to.
95. 11:57more personal: And the more that this happens, the easier it becomes to stop thinking so much about how you're speaking and actually focus on the person and the opportunity you have in front of you, and that helps you to build the kind of relationships where you can be yourself.
96. 12:25more personal: This is one of the reasons why relationships matter so much inside Hey Lady!.
97. 12:32more personal: Yes, women join Hey Lady! because they want to practise English, but we don't want every conversation to feel like an English lesson and an English exercise forever, right?
98. 12:46more personal: We want you to meet people, to talk to them again and again, remember their stories, laugh together, agree to disagree sometimes, and to learn things from each other.
99. 13:00more personal: Because the goal isn't just to find someone who will listen to you while you practise your English, it's to find people that you actually enjoy talking to.
100. 13:12more personal: And when that happens, something shifts You're not trying so hard to show your personality.
101. 13:21more personal: The people that you meet help to bring it out of you.
102. 13:26more personal: Honestly, if you haven't even experienced Hey Lady! yet, what are you doing?
103. 13:33more personal: Hey Lady! is an online community that connects you with other women all around the world to bring real English conversations to life.
104. 13:44more personal: You don't need perfect English.
105. 13:47more personal: You don't need to be the most confident person in the room, and you can start with a really simple conversation, giving yourself time to get comfortable.
106. 13:59more personal: And you can try Hey Lady! for free for seven days.
107. 14:03more personal: During that seven-day trial, you can come to events, you can meet people, join conversations, and decide if the community is right for you.
108. 14:15more personal: The link to come and check it out is in the show notes, in the description if you are watching on YouTube, or you can scan the code that's on screen next to me right now.
109. 14:27more personal: If you enjoyed this episode, please hit the subscribe button, hit the like button so that you don't miss the next one, and thank you so much for spending time with me today.
110. 14:38more personal: I'm looking forward to seeing you again next week