16 Phrasal Verbs for Relationships: Every Stage in English

معنی واژه با لمس

1. 0:00Okay, here's a question for you.
2. 0:02How many times have you told the story of how you met someone you love?
3. 0:07It could be your partner, your spouse, your best friend.
4. 0:10I definitely don't have an exact number of this for myself, but I'm pretty sure I've told the story of how I met my husband at least
5. 0:209,231 times. In fact, I just told it recently and I noticed something.
6. 0:26I noticed that when I tell this story, I always use very specific language.
7. 0:33And my guess is it's the same language that you're looking for in English to talk about how you met the person you love when things got serious
8. 0:43and how you might talk about what your relationship is like now 27 years later. So in today's lesson, we're gonna walk through the whole journey of a relationship from the first
9. 0:55meeting to everything else that comes after.
10. 0:59And we're going to focus specifically on the exact phrasal verbs that English speakers use to tell these stories so that you can tell them too.
11. 1:09So let's start at the beginning, the moment you met. In English, how you describe that moment depends on one thing.
12. 1:17Was it chance or was it planned?
13. 1:21Let's start with chance.
14. 1:22This is where we use the phrasal verb run into.
15. 1:27To run into someone means that you meet them unexpectedly.
16. 1:31You didn't plan it. You were simply living your life and then boom, there they were. For example, I ran into him at a friend's barbecue and I almost didn't go that day.
17. 1:43I wanna think about that for a moment to get a clear picture. Imagine, for example, that you're just running outside getting some exercise.
18. 1:52You're listening to a podcast and you're so focused on listening to the podcast that you don't really see a fence or a mailbox in front
19. 2:02of you. So you literally run into it.
20. 2:05That would be super unexpected and surprising, right?
21. 2:09And that's the same feeling we get when we use this phrasal verb in this way to describe how we met someone. When we say we ran into someone,
22. 2:18it always carries a little bit of that surprise.
23. 2:22And when you use it to talk about someone that you now love or care for, it also highlights a little bit of luck as well. Now, meeting someone by chance is only the first step.
24. 2:34Something has to happen next. Someone has to speak first, which is kind of scary. And for that, we use strike up.
25. 2:43To strike up a conversation means to start a conversation with someone and usually it's someone you don't know well or you don't know at all.
26. 2:54It captures that small moment of courage when one person decides to say something to someone else. For example,
27. 3:03we struck up a conversation while waiting in line for coffee.
28. 3:0820 minutes later, the line was gone, we had our coffee, and we were still talking.
29. 3:13I wanna stop here for a moment and look at how these two phrasal verbs work together. First, you run into someone, then you strike up a conversation.
30. 3:23That is the beginning of thousands of real stories. But of course, not every story starts with chance.
31. 3:32Sometimes other people get involved. Maybe it's a friend, a coworker, or in some families it's everyone gets involved.
32. 3:42This is when we say someone sets us up.
33. 3:46To set someone up means to arrange for two people to meet because you think they might be a good match or they might get along well. For example,
34. 3:56my coworker set us up. I almost canceled twice, but now we've been together for 10 years. Now, if no one arranged the meeting and there was no chance or
35. 4:08unexpected encounter, then maybe you simply met through friends at work or online.
36. 4:14But to continue this story, we have to talk about what happened next.
37. 4:19What happens when that person starts to matter to you?
38. 4:24That's when we talk about falling for someone. At this point, you've met and then you start to care for this person
39. 4:32deeply. Now, whether this happens quickly or slowly, we've got phrasal verbs to describe this process.
40. 4:39The fast version is the phrasal verb I just used to fall for.
41. 4:44To fall for someone means to very quickly, very unexpectedly start to develop romantic feelings for someone and to do so very deeply.
42. 4:55It means to feel strongly attracted to them.
43. 4:58And with this phrasal verb, the word fall is really powerful.
44. 5:03I want you to think about what it's like to fall in real life.
45. 5:07This isn't something that you decide. It just happens to you.
46. 5:11And that's kind of what this is about. For example, I didn't plan it, but I completely fell for her on our first date. Now, not only can you fall for a person,
47. 5:24you can also fall for something specific about them, like a characteristic.
48. 5:29For example, to fall for her sense of humor or to fall for his kindness, to fall for the way he tells a story. But of course, we don't always fall for someone.
49. 5:41That's not how relationships always start.
50. 5:44Some of the best stories start with nothing. No spark, no fireworks. Maybe when you met that person, you even thought, "This person is not my type.
51. 5:56This is not my usual person." For that kind of story, English has the phrasal verb, "Grow on. " If someone grows on you,
52. 6:05you like them more and more over time.
53. 6:09And this happens slowly, almost without noticing. For example, honestly, he wasn't my type at all, but he grew on me.
54. 6:19And now I cannot imagine my life without him. Now, I wanna stop here for a moment to focus on some grammar here because it often
55. 6:27surprises people. With fall for, you are the subject.
56. 6:32For example, I fell for him. But with grow on, the other person is the subject. He grew on me.
57. 6:40In both cases, the feeling that you're describing is still a feeling that happens to you, but the sentence flips. Now, whether you fell for someone or someone grew on you,
58. 6:52at this stage, someone has to take a risk.
59. 6:57Someone has to ask the other person out.
60. 7:00To ask someone out means to ask someone on a date. It's as simple as that.
61. 7:05For example, it took him three weeks to ask me out.
62. 7:09And then if that first date goes well, there will likely be another and another.
63. 7:14So you start going out.
64. 7:16To go out with someone means that you're dating them.
65. 7:20It's our everyday way to describe a relationship that is happening, but it may not be official yet, or it may not be long-term.
66. 7:30For example, we've been going out for about three months now.
67. 7:35Once you've hit this stage, once it's no longer just one or two dates, the story starts to change.
68. 7:42It stops being about these individual dates and it becomes more about this person being part of your life.
69. 7:51And this stage of the relationship often gets described through its milestones. For many couples, the first big one is deciding to move in together.
70. 8:02To move in together means to start living in the same house as a couple.
71. 8:06It's a phrasal verb that describes a rather significant moment.
72. 8:11Sharing a home means sharing everything. It means sharing space, money, morning routines, and who's doing the dishes.
73. 8:20For example, after two years, we decided to move in together.
74. 8:25My books, his kitchen, all in one tiny apartment.
75. 8:29The second phrasal verb for this stage is more than a milestone.
76. 8:34It's a change in the entire direction of the relationship.
77. 8:38The phrasal verb is settle down.
78. 8:41To settle down means to move from a casual or independent life into a stable, committed, long-term one.
79. 8:52Often with a partner and often in one place, sometimes with a family.
80. 8:57For example, for years, I wasn't interested in settling down.
81. 9:03I wanted to travel and focus on my career, but then I met James.
82. 9:08This tells us that once you've met that person, everything changed. Now, before we move on to the next section, I wanna pause here for a moment.
83. 9:18Everything in this lesson is storytelling language.
84. 9:22And there's something I know after more than two decades of teaching and working with thousands and thousands of students around the world.
85. 9:30You can learn every phrasal verb in this lesson today.
86. 9:35And then next week, when someone asks how you met your partner, those words can disappear.
87. 9:41Knowing phrasal verbs and using them in real conversations are two different skills.
88. 9:48The second one takes practice with real people.
89. 9:52But if speaking English makes you feel super nervous so you usually stay quiet, or if you don't have anyone around you to practice with,
90. 10:01that's where a community that is designed to give safe, supportive practice is essential.
91. 10:07And it's exactly why I created the Confident Women Community.
92. 10:11It's a women-only speaking community where you can practice telling real stories in English just like this in a safe, supportive place.
93. 10:20It's what gives you the practice you need to lock these words into your active memory so that you can use them in conversations.
94. 10:30And it's the practice that gives you confidence to do so.
95. 10:34If that sounds like something you've been looking for, I'll share a link in the notes below where you can learn more. Now, of course, every long relationship has its challenges,
96. 10:43challenges that no one plans for and no one wants, like an illness, a job loss, a period of time where you argue more than you laugh.
97. 10:54And when English speakers tell this part of the story, there are two common phrasal verbs to use. The first is get through.
98. 11:02To get through something means to survive a difficult period and to reach the other side of it. This isn't about fixing it instantly, and it's not that you enjoy it.
99. 11:14It's just you keep going and going until you're past it.
100. 11:19For example, that first year after the move was really hard on us, but we got through it. The second phrasal verb is standby.
101. 11:30To stand by someone means to stay loyal to them, to support them during a difficult time. For example, when I lost my job, she stood by me.
102. 11:42I'll never forget that. Of course, you and I know there are 1,001 reasons that some relationships end while others survive.
103. 11:53This is true for romantic relationships and friendships.
104. 11:57So next I wanna look at phrasal verbs for describing both.
105. 12:00And we'll start with describing relationships that end.
106. 12:05When we talk about this part of a friendship or relationship, the verb that we choose says a lot about how the relationship ended.
107. 12:15Some relationships end with a decision and that's where we use the very common phrasal verb to break up.
108. 12:22One person makes a choice or maybe both people agree to end the relationship.
109. 12:27But sometimes there isn't a clear moment when a relationship ends. Nobody decides anything.
110. 12:35It's just the phone calls get shorter or they're less often.
111. 12:41Plans get made and they get canceled. And then one day, I don't know, it's simply over. And for that kind of ending, we use fizzle out.
112. 12:49To fizzle out means to end slowly and quietly, losing energy little by little until there's nothing left.
113. 12:59Now to understand this word fizzle in the phrasal verb, I want to explain it because it's really more of a sound. Imagine this,
114. 13:08someone lights a firework, the end or the wick of a firework.
115. 13:13And the moment that you light it, you get that spark and you get a sound like.
116. 13:18And then imagine that the firework never explodes. It never goes off.
117. 13:23You just have all that initial energy at the beginning, the spark, the excitement, and it kind of fizzles out.
118. 13:29It loses its energy over time and then it is just gone.
119. 13:34That's what this phrasal verb is describing. For example, we went out for a few months and at first it was really exciting, but I don't know, it just kind of fizzled out.
120. 13:45There wasn't a big fight or anything. It just ended. Now, however a relationship ends, whether it was a big unexpected breakup or a slow fizzling out
121. 13:56over time, the next part is feeling okay again.
122. 14:00And there are two phrasal verbs that we use here. The first is get over.
123. 14:05To get over someone means to recover emotionally, to reach a point where thinking about that person no longer hurts.
124. 14:16It's really about dealing with the pain of a relationship ending, even if it's something you wanted. For example, it took me almost a year to get over him.
125. 14:28And then the next one is move on.
126. 14:31To move on means to emotionally leave the past behind and continue with your life. You've got new routines, new plans, maybe even someone new. For example,
127. 14:43if you're talking about someone who you broke up with in the past, you might say, "I think she's moved on.
128. 14:50She seems to genuinely be happy now." We can use these last two phrasal verbs for relationships too. If you've lost an important friendship,
129. 15:00it can be deeply, deeply painful to get over. But with time, you might move on from the loss of it. Now,
130. 15:09there's an important difference between these two phrasal verbs.
131. 15:13When we say, "I got over him," with the past simple, this is about looking backward and the pain that is finished.
132. 15:23Then when we say, "I've moved on with the present perfect," this is about looking forward and recognizing that life continues and you're ready for it.
133. 15:33So when we use these in real life stories, they follow a particular order.
134. 15:37First, you get over someone and then you move on.
135. 15:41And then of course, there are the relationships that you're still in right now, the ones that last. When people tell these stories, especially relationships that span decades,
136. 15:54there are two phrasal verbs that show up again and again.
137. 15:57The first is stick together.
138. 16:00To stick together means to stay united through everything, through the good times and the bad.
139. 16:07This is true of romantic relationships and friendships as well.
140. 16:12For example, it's been 25 years. We've lived in three cities, had two kids, and just finished one really difficult renovation.
141. 16:22And we've stuck together through all of it.
142. 16:25No matter what kind of relationship you might be describing, a long-term relationship is never 100% easy.
143. 16:34So that's what makes to stick together such a great phrasal verb.
144. 16:38When you hear it, you're hearing the story of survival, resilience, loyalty and commitment.
145. 16:47You're hearing all of that in just three words.
146. 16:50The second phrasal verb is to put up with.
147. 16:53This means to tolerate someone, to accept all of their habits without leaving.
148. 17:00And I know that this doesn't sound romantic at all or even friendly, but often couples or close friends will say this with a smile
149. 17:11and it might sound something like 30 years and she still puts up with me.
150. 17:16That sentence is kind of a joke and kind of a love letter at the same time. It says, "I know I'm not always easy,
151. 17:26and she stayed anyway." When someone says this with a smile, it really is a compliment on the enduring love that they have for a partner or a friend.
152. 17:37So when you tell the story of how you met your partner or your best friend, you might come back to this storyline. First,
153. 17:46you run into someone or someone sets you up, you.
154. 17:49Fall for them, or they grow on you, you get through the hard chapters, and maybe decades later someone is still putting up with you.
155. 17:59Now it's your turn.
156. 18:00I want you to tell me your story and you can do this in the comments if you feel comfortable. I'd love to hear how did you meet your partner, your spouse, or your best friend?
157. 18:08Which of these phrasal verbs today does your story need?
158. 18:13I'd love to read it. And yes, I do read all the comments and I respond to as many as I can. Now, one more quick thing. If you would love more lessons just like this, specifically to talk about your friendships,
159. 18:25I've got a full leson on how to talk about your friendships in English and I'll leave a link to that lesson in the notes below. As always, if you found this lesson helpful to you,
160. 18:35don't forget to subscribe or follow wherever you're watching or listening from today. Thank you so much for joining me and I look forward to next time.