Her English Is So Much Better Than Mine

معنی واژه با لمس

1. 0:00While you're learning English, there are definitely going to be some conversations that challenge you, and sometimes the most challenging ones aren't even with native speakers.
2. 0:15They're with someone who learned English as a second language, just like you.
3. 0:21Maybe it's a colleague that you work with or someone that you meet inside Hey Lady! And when she starts talking to you, her English sounds so smooth.
4. 0:33She isn't searching for words or pausing or panicking the way that you are.
5. 0:39And while you're listening to her speak, you're thinking," Oh, gosh, her English is so much better than mine.
6. 0:49She probably wishes she was talking to someone else.
7. 0:52I don't belong here.
8. 0:54I'm not good enough to be here.
9. 0:56So you start making yourself smaller.
10. 0:59Your answers get shorter.
11. 1:01You had a story that you were gonna share, but then you decided not to tell it.
12. 1:06You're just waiting for it to be over.
13. 1:19" Hey, ladies.
14. 1:20Welcome back to our regular listeners, and welcome if you are joining us for the very first time.
15. 1:27This is the Confident English Podcast.
16. 1:30My name is Emma.
17. 1:31I'm the founder of Hey Lady!, an online community that brings together women from all around the world to meet new friends and practise speaking English.
18. 1:43To find out more about what we do and how we can help you, head over to our website where you can sign up for a free seven-day guest pass.
19. 1:54The link is down in the description below or in the show notes.
20. 1:58But right now, let's get into today's episode.
21. 2:10I had a message from a listener recently, and she wrote, " Hi, Emma.
22. 2:16I joined Hey Lady! last week, and I joined a conversation with three women.
23. 2:22They were so nice, but one of them speaks so well.
24. 2:27I didn't think speaking with other English learners was like that.
25. 2:32When she talked, I started to think I'm not good enough.
26. 2:36I was quiet for the rest of the call because I don't wanna waste her time.
27. 2:41But what should I do?
28. 2:44Oof.
29. 2:44Okay, ladies.
30. 2:45This is such a common fear or a concern that we have.
31. 2:52The fear of not being enough, of taking up space that we don't think we're worthy of.
32. 3:00Now, I don't want to share the name of the person who shared this concern, but let's call her Miko for now, and we'll call the stronger speaker Joanna.
33. 3:13So Miko felt that way because Joanna has something that she wants.
34. 3:20She was impressed, maybe in awe of her.
35. 3:25Perhaps even a little envious.
36. 3:27Perhaps even a little intimidated.
37. 3:30Miko left the conversation.
38. 3:33She didn't say much, and she stopped joining conversations altogether.
39. 3:40Now, the problem is not that she noticed someone else's English was stronger.
40. 3:47Of course, she was gonna notice.
41. 3:49You notice these things like the same way that you notice someone looks amazing in their outfit.
42. 3:56The problem is the story that you start to tell yourself about what that means when you say, " She's better than me.
43. 4:06I shouldn't be in this room.
44. 4:08She probably wishes she was talking to someone else." I want you to stay with that last one because it's the story that does the most damage.
45. 4:20And it's exactly that.
46. 4:22It's a story that you tell yourself.
47. 4:26There is no truth to it.
48. 4:28You have no evidence that it's true.
49. 4:31You don't have access to Joanna's thoughts inside her head.
50. 4:36You are telling yourself what you think she is thinking.
51. 4:42So let's separate these two things really intentionally, your thoughts and her thoughts.
52. 4:50Because over here inside her head, she wants this conversation to go just as well as you do.
53. 4:58She shared her thoughts, her ideas, her story because she wants to know what you think about it.
54. 5:07She asked you that question because she wanted your answer, and she's waiting to hear what you have to say.
55. 5:15And yeah, perhaps she noticed that your English isn't quite as far along as hers.
56. 5:21But noticing it is not the same as looking down on you.
57. 5:27It's not judgement.
58. 5:29And she, more than any other person, understands exactly what you are going through.
59. 5:36She has climbed over the same hill.
60. 5:39She struggled with the same things that you are going through right now.
61. 5:44So if there is anyone in the world who is going to judge you, it's not her.
62. 5:56One quick thing before we go on.
63. 5:58If this podcast is useful for you, if you enjoy it, then please hit follow or subscribe wherever you are listening.
64. 6:07It's free, and it just takes a second, but it really helps other women to find us.
65. 6:13Give it a like, subscribe, do what you can to share it, and thank you so much.
66. 6:19When you meet someone whose English seems to be much stronger than yours, you're hearing the result.
67. 6:28You're not hearing all of the practice that came before it.
68. 6:33You didn't see the hundreds of conversations that she's already had, the ones where she couldn't find the words, the times when she misunderstood someone completely and felt silly for it, the sentences that she had to start again.
69. 6:51You weren't there for any of that.
70. 6:54You're meeting her now, afterwards, after she has gained so much experience.
71. 7:00And when you only see the result, it is very easy to think, "Well, she has something that I don't. Maybe she's naturally good at languages.
72. 7:09Maybe English just came easily to her." What you're hearing is simply a lot of practice that you didn't see.
73. 7:21If you had three or four real conversations in English every week for the next year, well, that is over 100 conversations, 100 times explaining an idea, 100 times telling a story, 100 times forgetting a word and finding another way to say what you mean.
74. 7:45So instead of asking, "What does she have that I don't have?" I want you to try asking, " What practice, what experience has she had that I haven't had yet?" The thing that I really want you to take away from this episode is that practice is not where you prove how good your English is.
75. 8:15Practice is where you're allowed to be bad.
76. 8:19You're allowed to pause.
77. 8:21You're allowed to forget the word.
78. 8:24You're allowed to say something badly and then start again and re-say it.
79. 8:30Because if you could already walk into any conversation and say exactly what you wanted to say exactly as you meant it, you wouldn't need to practice at all.
80. 8:41And some conversations are gonna be harder than others.
81. 8:44Sometimes it's light and easy.
82. 8:47Sometimes the person that you're talking to has stronger English, or maybe the topic is one that you've never talked about before, but they have.
83. 8:58You can't control that.
84. 9:00That's what real life is like.
85. 9:03What you can control is what's happening inside you when that does happen.
86. 9:08Do you decide that you're not good enough and you disappear?
87. 9:13Or do you recognise it for what it really is?
88. 9:17It's an opportunity to practise.
89. 9:19It's an opportunity to learn and opportunity to grow.
90. 9:29Inside the Hey Lady! community, we get to watch this happen again and again.
91. 9:35We see women when they first join our community.
92. 9:39They're nervous.
93. 9:40They're giving short answers.
94. 9:42And then we see them after months of regular conversations.
95. 9:47They speak more.
96. 9:49They speak more freely.
97. 9:51They worry less about every mistake that they make.
98. 9:54And then one day, a new member meets her and thinks, " Wow, her English is amazing." That new woman only sees where she is now.
99. 10:07She doesn't see the hundred conversations that came before it.
100. 10:11And so the woman who intimidates you today, she isn't proof that you don't belong.
101. 10:18She's proof of what another hundred conversations can do, where you can be.
102. 10:24She is easily proof of where you can be 12 months from now.
103. 10:29This is exactly why I think that practise needs to happen in a real community, not just in a classroom where there is always a teacher there.
104. 10:39Because in a real community, you won't have the same conversation twice.
105. 10:45Sometimes you'll speak with people who are at your level.
106. 10:48Sometimes you'll speak with people whose English is more advanced.
107. 10:53Sometimes your English will be the strongest English in the room, and that can be a really empowering thing as well.
108. 11:01That's not a problem.
109. 11:04It's the whole point.
110. 11:05Every one of the conversations that you have gives you another chance to practise being in it.
111. 11:12So the next time you hear yourself think, " Ugh, her English is much better than mine," I want you to notice what you do next.
112. 11:24Do you make yourself smaller?
113. 11:26Do you stop asking questions?
114. 11:29Do you retreat?
115. 11:30Do you decide not to tell your story?
116. 11:34No, you tell it anyway.
117. 11:37Take a few extra seconds to find that word.
118. 11:41Stay there in that space.
119. 11:43Ask her the question.
120. 11:45You don't have to speak perfectly to have something worth saying.
121. 11:50You're there to practise.
122. 11:52You're there to experience.
123. 11:55You're there to get better.
124. 12:02If you'd like to start having some of these conversations yourself, we've just launched something new, and I'm really pleased that I have the chance to share it with you.
125. 12:12It's called the Seven Day Guest Pass.
126. 12:16It's free.
127. 12:17There is no credit card required.
128. 12:19You don't have to decide anything or commit to anything today.
129. 12:23You just need to come inside and see what it's actually like, and I literally mean that you can come in and see what it's like right now.
130. 12:33There are conversations happening all of the time around the clock because our members are spread across every time zone.
131. 12:41So is our team.
132. 12:43So you could finish this episode, sign up, and be sitting in your first conversation before dinner.
133. 12:51The link to sign up and get your free Seven Day Guest Pass is down in the description below.
134. 12:57Really easy process to get going right now.
135. 13:01And if you take anything away from today's episode, I want you to remember that she isn't better than you.
136. 13:08She is just a little further down the same road that you are already walking on yourself.
137. 13:15So following her is probably the best advice that you can take.
138. 13:20All right, I will see you in the next episode.
139. 13:23Thank you for being here today.