Build Social Fluency in English Through Authentic Small Talk

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1. 0:01Let's talk about your social fluency in English. And when I say that, I'm not talking about how quickly you speak or how advanced your grammar is.
2. 0:09Social fluency is about your ability to join the everyday conversations that help people get to know you and help you get to know them. For example, right now,
3. 0:21maybe you feel comfortable answering basic questions or making a polite comment in conversations at work or with a neighbor.
4. 0:30The harder part is knowing exactly how to respond in the moment,
5. 0:36how much to say, and whether or not the other person is inviting you to continue to get to know you more deeply.
6. 0:45Many of those relationship building moments begin with small talk.
7. 0:50So by the end of this lesson, you'll know exactly how to recognize when someone is opening that door to get to know you more deeply through small talk,
8. 1:01how to respond without searching for the perfect thing to say, and how to know in the moment whether the conversation should continue or not.
9. 1:11Knowing all of this is part of building stronger social fluency in English. So let's begin with the first step,
10. 1:19recognizing when someone is opening the door to a brief small talk conversation. Again, this is one way people begin to build that familiarity with each other.
11. 1:31A single exchange or a single small talk conversation may last only a few seconds. But when you see the same neighbor, the same coworker,
12. 1:41the same parent where your child goes to school again and again, those small, quick exchanges can gradually make it so much easier to talk at
13. 1:52length, to speak more deeply, and truly get to know one another. For example, imagine someone walks into a room at work and says, "I'm already on my third cup of coffee today,
14. 2:03and it's not even 100 AM." In that statement, the number of cups of coffee is not the important part.
15. 2:12When someone walks into a room and makes a comment like that, she's acknowledging you, acknowledging that you're there with her.
16. 2:19She's showing friendliness and giving you an easy opportunity to interact in the moment. She isn't necessarily looking for some long, complicated conversation.
17. 2:31She's simply opening the door a little to see whether you'd like to respond.
18. 2:37Recognizing that invitation helps you understand both why she said that comment and what you can do next.
19. 2:46Once you understand that invitation, that open door to a conversation, the next step is to respond in a way that makes it easy for that
20. 2:55conversation to continue, even if it's just a few brief.
21. 2:59Seconds. And here, you don't need something clever to say and you don't need to introduce a new topic. Instead, you start by showing that you heard what they said and then ask
22. 3:11one simple question about it. For example, again, if someone says, "I'm already on my third cup of coffee, and it's not even 10:00 AM," at that moment, you could respond with,
23. 3:22"You're already on your third cup.
24. 3:24Has it been a busy morning?" The first part, that first question shows that you were listening.
25. 3:29You're repeating what you heard.
26. 3:31And the second question gives the other person an easy way to say more about it. So in response, you might say, "Yeah, I've had meetings since 7:00 AM, back to back.
27. 3:43And now you have more information to work with." And the conversation can continue following the same process, stating what you heard and adding on a next question.
28. 3:56Or she may even ask for a little bit of detail about your morning.
29. 4:01She may respond with, "Yeah, it's been a busy morning. And what about you?
30. 4:05How's your morning going?" In doing so, she's encouraging you to continue the conversation.
31. 4:10She's showing interest in you. Either way, whether she simply provides a comment about how busy her morning has been, or she continues by asking a question back to you.
32. 4:22The key here is that if you are unsure of what to say, all you need to do is show that you heard the comment and then ask one simple
33. 4:29question about it. Now, there's something really important I want you to know.
34. 4:34Recognizing these small invitations and knowing how to respond is one part of what I call everyday exchanges.
35. 4:43These are the kind of daily conversations we have at work or on a Zoom call just before the meeting starts.
36. 4:51These are conversations we have at the grocery store and with neighbors when we see them outside.
37. 4:56This kind of conversation is also the first stage of my fluency school program.
38. 5:02In the first two weeks, you learn the fuller conversation process of how to begin conversations, how to answer common questions without overthinking,
39. 5:12and how to keep the conversation going, knowing the right questions to ask at the right time.
40. 5:19And just as importantly, you learn how to recognize when to continue, when to add more detail, or when to simply end the conversation.
41. 5:29With all of that, you also practice these moments in real conversations, and you work on the kind of pronunciation that helps you sound clear and natural
42. 5:40in those quick conversations.
43. 5:42These everyday exchanges are just one of three areas that we focus on in fluency school, together with speaking at length and participating in deeper group discussions.
44. 5:53If that sounds like something you've been looking for for your English.
45. 5:57Fluency, I'll be sure to share a link to get all the details about fluency school in the notes below. But for now, let's return to that coffee conversation.
46. 6:07At this point, you've recognized the invitation.
47. 6:11You showed that you were listening and you asked a simple question to continue.
48. 6:16The next step is to notice what the other person does next and what it means. So once again,
49. 6:23let's imagine that brief comment of how many cups of coffee she's had and it's not even 10:00 AM. Then you ask, "Has it been a busy morning?" And in response, she says, "Yeah,
50. 6:35I've had meetings since 7:00 AM back to back.
51. 6:38And I still have two more this afternoon." Or she says, "Yeah, I've had meetings since 7:00. How about you?
52. 6:45How's your day going?" In both cases, she has added more information.
53. 6:50She's showing interest by adding those details or asking a question back to you.
54. 6:56And these are signs that she's open to continuing the conversation, maybe for a few more brief seconds. And at that point,
55. 7:04you can keep using what we talked about in step two to continue.
56. 7:09But perhaps she simply says, "Yeah, it's been really busy." And then she turns her back and walks back to her office. That brief exchange is now complete,
57. 7:20and that's perfectly okay.
58. 7:22Social fluency is not about forcing every small conversation into something longer or more detailed.
59. 7:29It's also knowing when the other person is giving you more to work with and in continuing to open that door.
60. 7:38And when the conversation has naturally come to an end.
61. 7:42And there's nothing wrong with these super short interactions.
62. 7:46It doesn't mean that there was anything wrong about the conversation.
63. 7:49We already know that this person has had a busy morning and she may need to rush back to her office to start her next meeting.
64. 7:57The key here is to notice what's happening in the conversation.
65. 8:01Notice whether someone adds another detail, asks you a question, and stays engaged with you. If so, those are all signs that the conversation may continue.
66. 8:14What this means is that ultimately, you are not responsible for caring or continuing the conversation entirely by yourself.
67. 8:23Your job is to simply notice the invitations when they're there.
68. 8:28Respond appropriately and pay attention to what happens next.
69. 8:32So with that in mind, here's how you can practice. This week, I want you to pay attention and look for one of those brief every opportunities for those quick conversations.
70. 8:45It might happen with a coworker before a meeting or a neighbor when you go outside to walk your dog.
71. 8:51Or it may even be someone at a coffee shop or another parent where your.
72. 8:55Child goes to school. When you can, choose a moment where you only need to exchange a few words.
73. 9:02Nothing super important or detailed.
74. 9:05This gives you the opportunity to focus on one small skill without the added pressure of an important meeting or conversation.
75. 9:15When that moment comes, I want you to notice these three things.
76. 9:18Pay attention to what invited you into the conversation, and then how you could show that you heard the other person and ask one simple
77. 9:27question back. And in response, what did that person do or say next?
78. 9:33Did they add more information? Did they ask you something?
79. 9:37Or did they indicate or allow the conversation to end?
80. 9:41The goal here is not to force a long conversation or try to make a new friend in one moment. It's simply to notice those invitations,
81. 9:51respond appropriately, and see what happens next.
82. 9:55The more you notice these everyday invitations for English conversations, the easier it becomes to understand what is happening in the moment and
83. 10:05decide how you want to respond. You definitely do not need to speak quickly.
84. 10:10You don't need perfect grammar.
85. 10:12And you don't need to know exactly where the conversation will go.
86. 10:16Just start by recognizing that open door for a conversation.
87. 10:21Show that you heard the other person.
88. 10:23Ask a simple question back and notice whether they give you something more or bring the conversation to an end.
89. 10:30Those small choices are part of social fluency.
90. 10:35And every time you practice them, you become better prepared for the conversations that help people get to know you and help you get to know them. Now, I'd really love to hear from you.
91. 10:46I want to know where do these kind of brief, everyday conversations happen most often in your life?
92. 10:54Is it where you work, where you live, when you're traveling, or somewhere else?
93. 10:59You can share with me your answers in the comments below. And as always, if you found this lesson helpful, don't forget to subscribe or follow wherever you're watching or listening from
94. 11:10today. Thank you so much for joining me, and I look forward to next time.